RSS Verzeichnis - psychology notes.
Well, I certainly canât speak for all therapists, but in my own experience there are absolutely therapists who tear upâor even openly cryâwith a client. And I donât think it speaks to poor boundaries at all, but rather to a therapistâs openness to whatâs happening in the room. If youâre a psychodynamically-oriented therapist, working with a client over a long period time, youâre simply going to feel for them at times, whether in their struggles or in their joy. I donât think itâs appropriate to breakdown and weep as a therapist, but I think tears on the therapistâs part can actually be a fairly powerful thing in the right context, and add to, rather than detract from, the therapeutic relationship.
And it turns out that, at least according to the most recent study done on the topic, 72% of therapists, regardless of gender, reported crying in session at some time in their career (crying here, again, meaning tearing up a bit, not sobbing hysterically) with âolder, more experienced therapists and those with a psychodynamic approach tending to cry moreâ.
The article also goes onto note that:
Is there really a good reason to keep on going? I work a minimum wage job, have never been in a relationship, my family life is shit and abusive...honestly, aren't there some people who don't have anything going for them? Why shouldn't I end it?
Okay. Iâm going to do something rather unorthodox:
Iâm not going to tell you to keep living.
But Iâm also not going to tell you to stop living.
Iâm not privy to the details of your life and I am not going to blow sunshine up your ass and tell you itâs all gonna be rainbows and unicorns if you just try to smile a little more. I can only tell you what Iâve found based on my own experience. Here, in brief, are the highlights of my philosophy on situations such as yours:
1.) In almost all cases, life can get better with your effort. This means taking steps to get counseling from a psychologist or psychiatrist or social worker, make healthy choices (counseling being one of them!) and fill your life with better humans, avoiding the shittier ones where possible (and it ainât always possible). You may need to cut some ties. You may need to do things you donât want to do, like admit to your own mistakes and missteps. But I promise you it can be done. And if you put in a ton of effort and it fails, so what? You tried. Better to attempt to make your life better than just ending it without even trying. Because whatâs the fucking point of that?
2.) Every major improvement is the result of many tiny steps. For example, letâs take your general unhappiness. You want to be happy. Iâd wager you will at least feel better if you have someone to talk to. I think a counselor is a great option because that person is (hopefully) unbiased. But to get into the counseling session, youâre going to need to do a few things. Youâre going to need to get on the computer and Google counselors in your area. Youâre gonna need to make some phone calls or emails to find out who provides free or low-cost care (sometimes they will say they have a âsliding scaleâ fee. Thatâs what youâre looking for.) Youâre gonna need to make the appointments and write down the appointments and remember the appointments and show up to the appointments. See what I mean by âmany tiny steps?â It ainât gonna happen overnight. This may seem overwhelming, but just focus on mapping out the steps to your goal (feeling less shitty). Then take just one of those steps today. Just one. Then if youâre feeling motivated, you can take the next step. Saving your own life takes some planning and itâs the most important thing you can possibly do, so itâs worth putting in some effort.
3.) EVERYTHING LOOKS SHITTY WHEN YOUâRE STANDING INSIDE A GIANT GLASS PRISON SMEARED WITH SHIT â shit job, shit family, shit love life. Thatâs how depression works. The rest of the world is so obscured that you canât see the beautiful and amazing things and opportunities just waiting for you right outside. Killing yourself is not the only way out of this prison. Thereâs a door. Thereâs a window. Thereâs a hole in the roof thatâs just your size, and thereâs a ladder to help you down from the roof to the ground below. And remember that you can always smash your way out. Itâs a glass prison â itâs impermanent and ultimately canât stand up to the force of your desire to lead a better life. Itâs going to be tough and itâs going to hurt sometimes, but itâs going to be the best decision you ever made.
4.) We have some agency in that we are able to determine our own path to a certain degree. You canât choose whether an anvil drops on your head while you are walking down the street. You CAN choose to keep your eyes open, be aware of your surroundings, get enough sleep at night, eat good food, drink water, and stay sober enough to notice this âDO NOT WALK HERE. CONSTRUCTION IN PROGRESS.â sign. To a certain extent, your life is in your own hands. Recognize that you have some power in this situation.
5.) Blood relation is not an obligation. Your family fucking sucks and they treated you like shit. They still do. I assume youâre an adult. This means you get to leave. You get to make your own choices. You get to take care of the kid inside you who couldnât leave or make his/her own choices. Ask friends for help. Ask your counselor (remember, the psychologist or psychiatrist or social worker youâre going to seek out!) Ask a pastor for help if God is your thing or if you know a decent clergy member. Tell your story. Keep telling it until somebody listens. Keep telling it until you feel better
6.) Do not waste time on either guilt or self-pity. Neither will do you any good. Focus on forward momentum. Guilt and self-pity will only serve to hold you back. I have wasted far too much time on both these things and I would like to save you the time.
8.) Iâve wanted to kill myself and I never went through with it, and thank God for that, because Iâve gotten to experience an amazing life. If God or fate or science or a speeding bus end it all for me tomorrow, Iâll know I had a great adventure on earth. Or maybe I wonât know it, because Iâll be fucking dead, and who can say what happens? Who can say if death is better, or worse, or just a fat load of nothingness? I figure itâs better to deal with the devil I know (this life) than the devil I donât (the afterlife â if such a thing exists).
9.) If you can do nothing else â just keep breathing for as long as you can. One breath after the other after the other. Put them all together and youâve got a lifetime.
I hope you keep living. I trust that you will. You wrote to me, after all. You wouldnât have done that if you didnât retain some hope and some understanding that life has better things in store for you. I think you ought to stick around to see what those things are. Sometimes theyâre shiny and taste like chocolate. Itâs worth it.
I wish you good luck. But more than that, I wish you good effort.
And thanks for reminding me of the things I sometimes forget.
Iâm going to go call my shrink now.
SaraLiving With & Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder (PsychCentral):
Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.
We are a psychologically sophisticated society. Emotional difficulties are now shared openly â not only by celebrities but by your average person. Itâs not unusual for people to tell friends that they have an anxiety disorder, anger management problem, depression, panic attacks, phobias, eating disorder, substance abuse problem, OCD or ADD.
Yet, there is a widespread psychological disorder that most people know little or nothing about. Why? Because its symptoms are largely interpersonal, causing many to view it as a relationship issue, not a mental health one. Also, people shy away from the term because of its unflattering name: Borderline Personality Disorder.
âBorderline? Am I going over the edge into an abyss? Oh my gosh! Next topic.â
Enough ignorance. Letâs review the major symptoms of people who have borderline personality disorder (BPD):
If youâre living with someone with BPD, life probably feels like an emotional roller coaster. So what can you do? Certainly, suggesting psychotherapy is a good idea. Donât be surprised, however, if he or she uses therapy not to seek understanding but to rage about others. So, if therapy for your loved one is not moving forward, try a few suggestions:It's Insecurity, Not Narcissism, That Makes Us Like 'What Would I Say' | Wired.com:
ââBots like this show you that you exist,â says social media theorist and sociologist Nathan Jurgenson, who studies the interactions between our digital and IRL selves. (Heâs also pretty well known for his job asÂ Snapchatâs in-house sociologist.) âYouâve posted all these status updates, they really did matter, they havenât gone away, they were recorded, and they say something about you. Itâs the same thing people said when Friendster came around: We want proof that we exist.â
Good and Bad Procrastination:
by Paul Graham
The most impressive people I know are all terrible procrastinators. So could it be that procrastination isnât always bad?
BrenĂ© Brown: Listening to shame
Shame is an unspoken epidemic, the secret behind many forms of broken behavior. BrenĂ© Brown, whose earlier talk on vulnerability became a viral hit, explores what can happen when people confront their shame head-on.Caring for Your Introvert: The habits and needs of a little-understood group (The Atlantic):
by Jonathan Rauch
Do you know someone who needs hours alone every day? Who loves quiet conversations about feelings or ideas, and can give a dynamite presentation to a big audience, but seems awkward in groups and maladroit at small talk? Who has to be dragged to parties and then needs the rest of the day to recuperate? Who growls or scowls or grunts or winces when accosted with pleasantries by people who are just trying to be nice?
If so, do you tell this person he is âtoo serious,â or ask if he is okay? Regard him as aloof, arrogant, rude? Redouble your efforts to draw him out?
If you answered yes to these questions, chances are that you have an introvert on your handsâand that you arenât caring for him properly. Science has learned a good deal in recent years about the habits and requirements of introverts. It has even learned, by means of brain scans, that introverts process information differently from other people (I am not making this up). If you are behind the curve on this important matter, be reassured that you are not alone. Introverts may be common, but they are also among the most misunderstood and aggrieved groups in America, possibly the world.
I know. My name is Jonathan, and I am an introvert.
Oh, for years I denied it. After all, I have good social skills. I am not morose or misanthropic. Usually. I am far from shy. I love long conversations that explore intimate thoughts or passionate interests. But at last I have self-identified and come out to my friends and colleagues. In doing so, I have found myself liberated from any number of damaging misconceptions and stereotypes. Now I am here to tell you what you need to know in order to respond sensitively and supportively to your own introverted family members, friends, and colleagues. Remember, someone you know, respect, and interact with every day is an introvert, and you are probably driving this person nuts. It pays to learn the warning signs.
What is introversion?
In its modern sense, the concept goes back to the 1920s and the psychologist Carl Jung. Today it is a mainstay of personality tests, including the widely used Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. Introverts are not necessarily shy. Shy people are anxious or frightened or self-excoriating in social settings; introverts generally are not. Introverts are also not misanthropic, though some of us do go along with Sartre as far as to say âHell is other people at breakfast.â Rather, introverts are people who find other people tiring.
Extroverts are energized by people, and wilt or fade when alone. They often seem bored by themselves, in both senses of the expression. Leave an extrovert alone for two minutes and he will reach for his cell phone. In contrast, after an hour or two of being socially âon,â we introverts need to turn off and recharge. My own formula is roughly two hours alone for every hour of socializing. This isnât antisocial. It isnât a sign of depression. It does not call for medication. For introverts, to be alone with our thoughts is as restorative as sleeping, as nourishing as eating. Our motto: âIâm okay, youâre okayâin small doses.â
Read: the rest of the original Atlantic article here
See also: Interviews: âIntroverts of the World, Unite!â
- C.S. Lewis
Personal Reflections on Manic-Depressive Illness:
Dr. Kay Redfield Jamison, psychiatry professor at Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine, shares her experiences with living every day with the mania and severe depression that she had studied for years. She talks openly of the challenges sheâsÂ faced with her own treatment and the disclosure of her mental illness to others.